Wheeling Oslo – The Hotel

She’s a thief of hearts
What will happen to the thief of hearts
What she’s done is a crime
She’s a thief of hearts
Someone, please arrest her
She’s a thief of hearts
No one ever takes what’s mine

Madonna

Fuck 2020! It was a shitty year because of Corona also known as Covid-19. But between all the lockdowns and social distancing restrictions we managed to celebrate our five year anniversary against all odds. In Oslo of course. Who travelled in 2020 anyway?

One of the advantages of Corona, is that insanely expensive hotels has become a little bit less expensive. Like the Thief Hotel in Oslo. Where Madonna and Justin Timberlake stay when they happen to visit. Because of Corona, they cut their prices with almost 50%. And since we could not travel to Zürich and recreate our first real date at the 25th Hour Hotel we had planned to celebrate in luxury a little bit closer to home. On October 4th…our five year anniversary since we accidentally became a couple.

The Thief fits in harmoniously with the surrounding modern buildings on Tjuvholmen (‘Thief’) Island, so called because it was once an execution ground for thieves. The nine-storey hotel offers large views of the island’s canals, the Oslofjord and a mix of flats, offices and art galleries which characterise the car-free Tjuvholmen. The Renzo Piano-designed Astrup Fearnley Museum of Modern Art is close by, as is the Aker Brygge harbour. The city centre is a 15-minute walk away.

Because of Covid-19, we decided to avoid public transportation – drive with André’s sports car and park conveniently in the parking garage below the hotel. Great plan until we drove into one of Oslo’s many potholes outside the construction area of the new national museum.

Kaboom! Tyre went into the deepest rainy pothole in history. So when we drove into the parking house of Tjuvholmen, we noticed a strange feeling. Flat tyre. Great start of our 24 hour break from the Covid-19 isolation at home! We decided to pretend as if nothing happened and just go on with our plan. Which was…have a great nano holiday in Oslo. First a drink at the Thief Bar before we had a dinner at Tjuvholmen Sjømagasin, a fancy seafood restaurant situated in wheeling distance from Oslo’s most fancy hotel.

We checked into our room and realized that in spite of Corona and the insane prices, the hotel seemed to be quite full. We also realized that The Thief had very accessible rooms, with spacious bathrooms with a double set of towel hangers, a double set of hangers for clothes, an insane amount of pillows, electrical door openers for the balcony and detox tea – in case you need to get rid of some bad chemicals after your stay in the Oslo party district. There are 12 rooms at the hotel that are fully equipped for people with disabilities. The spa is supposed to be accessible to all. But we didn’t try it due to Corona anxiety.  

We started our 5th anniversary date with a cocktail at the Thief bar. Or to be precise – outside the Thief lobby bar. Because there was not enough free tables in the actual bar. But the bartender was very nice and served us specially requested drinks at the tables in the reception.

We had been to The Thief Bar a late night before. And we can confirm that flying pigs don’t exists, but flying drinks do. And the rooftop bar at the Thief is also accessible with a power chair at summer time. It just might take a while before they locate the key to the stair lift…

We continued our date with wheeling the few meters over to Tjuvholmen Sjømagasin where we had booked a six course dinner for our anniversary, which included crab ravioli, Josper grilled Churasco sirloin and Chocolate Mousse symphony. It’s a huge restaurant where they take social distancing seriously. They also take their wine packages seriously, and we must admit we got somewhat intoxicated before the desert. This is why we don’t have a photo…

And we admit that we are kind of hot. But it wasn’t our fault that the table caught fire. The very polite and James-like servant accidentally put the bread basket too close to an oil lamp…and BOOM our bread had caught fire.

Thankfully André’s reflexes were still working, so he poured his water glass over the fire and put it out instantly. The waiter was very discrete about it as well as the other guests. And we finished the meal in peace – which included excellent food and wine. And fortunately we had stamina enough to avoid a last drink at the bar, when we got back. And we had the detox tea, in case…

So the next day we were able to enjoy a luxury breakfast at the Thief. Best fried eggs ever to be honest. Then we pretended to be cultural with a visit to Astrup Fearnley Museum of modern art, which is situated next door. The exhibit was called Antibodies by the American artist Josh Cline, which felt very contemporary and suitable to the corona situation.

Little did I know that a couple of weeks later I would also be lying in fetal position because of our moving chaos. Read all about it here.

After the art exhibit, it was time for our car repair project – which turned out to be a success…sort of. I don’t know what was most expensive. The credit card bill from the Thief or the towing truck. But we got home safely with a taxi wearing our face masks of course.

And in spite of a flat tire and an dinner that caught fire, we were pretty happy with how our alternative anniversary celebration took place. At the Hotel. In Oslo…It was a happy anniversary after all. And we wish you all a Happy New Year!